Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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