I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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