He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
