the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
