Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
