She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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