I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
