who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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