He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
