It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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