Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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