I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
