My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
