If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
