look no pants
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
