FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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