Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
