While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
