A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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