You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
