omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
