I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
