I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
