Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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