Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
