i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
