btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
