Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
