Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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