i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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