I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't deserve a penis
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
