Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize