took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
