i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You pole danced in your parka.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
