What did we do last night that was yellow?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
