Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
