If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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