I'm gonna have a badass scar
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
