Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
