btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
then he tried to convert me to islam
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
