I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
