I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
