Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I need to stop coming to work sober
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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