it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
