dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
