Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
