I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
