its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize