Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
