Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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