I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My vagina just recognized that song.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
