I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
