I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
