i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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