Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
