people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
