if you like me you must not know who I am
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
