Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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