i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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