Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
