If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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