I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize