i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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