got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
