3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
