How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She's the barista slut.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
