I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
