Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
