epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
