i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
