I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
