Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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