R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
foreskin is a definite game changer
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
